Concrete

Some days I'm fine doing what I do best - pretending. Other days, I just. Can't. Days like these, I break down a little. Trying my best to comprehend all the BS thrown at me.

See the truth is, no one gives a fuck. Whether you succeed. Whether you fall flat on your face. Whether you're trying your best to stay strong. No one gives two fucks let alone one. So why are you trying SO hard to please everyone around you? To get on top? To be loved? In hopes they will start appreciating you? Yeah well, you're wasting your time.

People often tell me "I know she can be mean sometimes. She's tough but she cares and she's actually very helpful and really nice." Oh, fuck off. Why do people stand up for people like that? In hopes your words will turn into a matter of fact? You're wasting your time. I don't believe in screaming your lungs out at someone who is just asking a question in hopes of learning something new. That is not 'teaching'. That is being a bloody prick.

I don't get people who try to be nice. What's the deal? In hopes that one day someone will return the favor? You're wasting your time. No one is going to remember you as the sweet little girl who is so helpful. Well at least I wont. You'll be remembered as a scapegoat who accepts every BS that comes to your face and everyone is going to miss you because they've lost a goat.

I can't remember the last time someone gave me a genuine smile. I can't remember how my mom smells like. I can't remember how my dad's laughter sounds like. I'm slowly losing it. I'm slowly giving up. You tell me everything will be fine when I really want you to just let me be.

81 days left. I can't wait to get the fuck out of this place.