Save as draft

Haven't been here in a while.

Have a few drafts saved up. It's one of those days where you can't just walk it off. It's one of those  "I need to let this out" days and at the end of the paragraph, I decide that it's not worth it.

It's quite funny if I actually sit and think about it. I write the most depressing thoughts and feelings and I have never had a problem publishing those posts for everyone to read. For everyone to relate. And people often come up to me and ask me if whether I am ok. And I always tell them the same thing -- I am fine. That's just me writing. Don't you think the saddest vocabularies make the most beautiful sentences?

But. I find it difficult to publish pieces which are real to me. Pieces which have not been proofread. Pieces which did not require me to believe I was in someone else's shoes. Pieces which did not rhyme. Pieces which usually lack sense. Pieces which are unstructured. Pieces which are just... me. So these pieces end up being saved drafts. Drafts that will soon be forgotten. A piece of memory of a feeling you never want to look back at.

Why? Never actually thought about it.

Ashamed, maybe. Afraid of being ridiculed. Not wanting to seem weak. Embarrassed for having such childish thoughts. Allowing others to know what makes you vulnerable. Admitting to the fact that you're losing your mind.

Or maybe because you know that this is merely a phase. And that this too shall pass. And there is no need to put something so temporary unto something permanent.