Like I used to

It's funny when you think about the things that used to be.

Like the time you felt so loved, you felt like nothing could ever come close to hurting you.

Or like the time you felt so alone, you felt the darkness during the day when the sun was at its brightest. 

Or what about the time you were so happy, you thought it would last a lifetime.

Or maybe the time you felt so insecure, you thought maybe if you left it all behind, it would break them.

Or like the time you felt so broken, you thought you were losing your mind and for a moment in time, you didn't know what was happening to you.

Or do you remember the time you felt so unwanted and when you tried to talk about it, they brushed you off?

It's funny how we let ourselves be so vulnerable with all these feelings. How we let them take over our minds for that split second. And you feel so stupid for putting those feelings to words. Why put something so temporary to something so permanent? Silly girl for wasting so much time picking and choosing words to best describe them and revealing them to the world. 

That person who you've made your entire universe who possibly cannot read your wavering handwritten notes to make out the words you fumble as you write because as you write, you let your feelings take control of every muscle in your body. As your knees weaken and you feel your heart fasten and your hands shiver as your mind is in a drunken stupor and your lips quiver as your eyes are locked on spilled black ink.

Only to watch it all go to waste. 

Lynette Tan