No sense

As usual, always late for my new year's post.

You know how every year we hope to do better? We hope to do better at work. We hope to be able to provide better for the family. We hope to change our pathetic lives into something more meaningful. How we all vow to work harder. How we tell ourselves our past years have made us stronger than before. How we promise not to do something we'll regret. How we hope to be a better person altogether.

How did that turn out for you?

Aren't you sick of listening to me ramble about how we should always have hope? How we should be thankful for whatever we have. How we should be grateful for the life we're living. How we should appreciate all the little things.

How did that turn out for you?

I'd like to think I did everything better last year. I'd also like to believe I was a better person than the year before.

And then there are days where you're sitting there over a cup of coffee alone at your favourite coffee joint thinking what went wrong. What went SO wrong that you have to go through Stage 1 all over again. What did you do in your past life that was SO bad that it's making you pay your debt now.

Questions you ask yourself over and over again and can never find the answers to.

I shiver sometimes but you'd expect me to shake all my fears away.
I cry sometimes but you'd expect me to hold it in a little longer.
I laugh sometimes but you'd think I was being a child.
I break sometimes but you'd think I've made it this far to only break now?

All I want to do is just breathe a little. Do we have time for that? We have time for that.

Have you tried your best to see what she tried her best to be what you wanted her to be? Are you doing it wrong? Or is she just not trying hard enough?

I'd like to think I did everything better last year. I'd also like to believe I was a better person than the year before.

You're not the only one. So what are you afraid of?

Everything.