I cannot deny the fact that I have been feeling rather ... See, even I don't know what I'm feeling. What I do know is that I can't seem to shake this off.
I want to rant. I have been dying to rant. Now that I have the chance to access my blog on a proper device, I just can't bring myself to say anything. Why?
You know that feeling where you feel like you have everything you want right here, right now and then suddenly, something slaps you in the face and then you realize, you have nothing. Well not LITERALLY nothing. But you just can't help feeling empty. This semester is by far the worst one I ever had to go through. I can't help feeling... dead.
Truth be told, I am REALLY tired of having to put forward a straight face. Smiling has become tedious. Laughing has become my affliction. I have even come to detest sleep. Know that I too, am only human. So hear my prayers tonight as I learn to make this right. I have tried to make you smile. I have tried to make you laugh. And it baffles me that the moment I go astray, you turn a blind eye to everything else that used to matter. My words may confuse you from time to time but if you knew me well enough, you'd know my style of writing and know that I was not referring to a specific You. All of you, rather :) I let you have the benefit of the doubt but I cannot keep doing this because you are wearing me out.
It saddens me that when you were in need of help, I gave you everything you needed. I helped you in every way I could think of. And now when I need you the most, my dear friend you have disappointed me in so many different levels. But then again, who am I to expect anything out of you? It is times like these where you learn who your true friends are.
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Apart from all of that, I have been feeling like Wonderwoman lately. No joke. Last week, i was actually addicted to studying! I would come home at about 5am from studying at Shad's and take my shower and continue reading up on cases and leave again to campus for my 8am class. Come home in the evening and sleep for like an hour and study again at night until about 3am and reach home at 4am and class at 9am the next morning! Madness, I tell you. Was even starting to doubt my mortality! Freakier thing was that I didn't even feel tired! I would be jumping about in campus and at one point, Shad had to put his hand on my head to stop me from jumping about and asked me to calm the shit down.
Speaking of, I have a new home now :) I have been over at Shad's place almost every night that I tend to say "I meet you at home" Whilehal, not my home also. But it does feel like home. I HAVE AMAZING HOUSEMATES! :) Pretty devastating to know that this will be our last semester together. Ok in MY case, MIGHT be my last semester. If I have to extend, I will... CRY!
Righty then, have to go prepare for my next class.
...and, I miss him. x
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